The whispers of summer tickle my ear,
As I daydream of the months to come.
My head swells with things that have yet to happen,
None of which are directed at these pages in front of me,
These photocopied pages filled with deadlines,
Requirements, and demands.
Sucking the life out of me,
When they have no life in them.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Monday Morning.
Saturday, 5:12pm: "Hey, chill this weekend. Get some sleep. And don't think about work at all"
Monday, 8:16am: "Where are the rough drafts? And I asked for 30 block croqius, why have you only done 15? Do you not understand English?"
Monday, 8:22am: "Your scarpbooks are incomplete. What is wrong with you? Are you not taking this seriously?"
Monday, 10:07am: "I specified, don't change the font, change the colour. And I don't like this poster, The layout isn't right. You aren't working hard enough, very mediocre work. you'll be thrown out of the industry in no time"
Monday, 10:30am "DID I NOT ASK FOR THIS TO BE MONOCHROMATIC???"
Monday, 11:35am..... Monday, 1:03pm..... Monday, 2:23pm....Monday, 4:30pm...
Then you ask me to chill.
Monday, 8:16am: "Where are the rough drafts? And I asked for 30 block croqius, why have you only done 15? Do you not understand English?"
Monday, 8:22am: "Your scarpbooks are incomplete. What is wrong with you? Are you not taking this seriously?"
Monday, 10:07am: "I specified, don't change the font, change the colour. And I don't like this poster, The layout isn't right. You aren't working hard enough, very mediocre work. you'll be thrown out of the industry in no time"
Monday, 10:30am "DID I NOT ASK FOR THIS TO BE MONOCHROMATIC???"
Monday, 11:35am..... Monday, 1:03pm..... Monday, 2:23pm....Monday, 4:30pm...
Then you ask me to chill.
Monday, July 18, 2011
This is not a happy post.
I sit quiet and paralyzed in my room waiting for the thought to pass, stale air trapped in my lungs, tired limbs on the cold, hard marble floor, I attempt to whisper mantras about practicality.
But the thought refuses to pass. It stays..
..I stare at the ceiling, thinking about the number of graves I've dug myself; sloppy and poorly handled. There is a piece of my soul in every grave, and I think to myself how much I have in me, left to give. It’s funny, really…individually, how they almost mean nothing, just small messy holes with minuscule past regrets and failed attempts but then you stand outside of the box and get a nice aerial view, you realize you’re looking at an entire field of loss; loss in dignity, respect, love, life, knowledge, trust and mostly, people.
I wonder before I die, if I will be empty.
But the thought refuses to pass. It stays..
..I stare at the ceiling, thinking about the number of graves I've dug myself; sloppy and poorly handled. There is a piece of my soul in every grave, and I think to myself how much I have in me, left to give. It’s funny, really…individually, how they almost mean nothing, just small messy holes with minuscule past regrets and failed attempts but then you stand outside of the box and get a nice aerial view, you realize you’re looking at an entire field of loss; loss in dignity, respect, love, life, knowledge, trust and mostly, people.
I wonder before I die, if I will be empty.
P.s- This is my first attempt writing about my feelings and emotions. *gulp*
Next post, getting back on the randomness and awkwardness of my life.
Next post, getting back on the randomness and awkwardness of my life.
P.p.s- I hate being sad. Good music can help me. Paaahleasee giveee.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Endoplasmic Reticulum
Been long time no?
Off late my life is only red eyes and coffee stains.
I just voluntarily told my mom I'll make my bed myself today. And I'll wake up early to sort out my closet.
I think I'm growing up.
Does anyone else feel how everything is becoming so expensive ?
Most of the time I'm like I need to SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE.
but as whenever I step into a shop
'holy tits! its a buy 10 get 1 free sale! what a deal!'
Money management. Fail.
Besides stationary is so expensive.
STAEDTLER, Y U NO MAKE AFFORDABLE STATIONARY??
Topic jump.
Every time before sleeping, I’m afraid that I’ll sleep through my alarm and wake up 4 hours late and be thrown out of class or college which breeds all kinds of unnecessary anxiety. Apparently, it leaks over into my subconscious as well, since I had a terrifyingly weird dream last night about being late.
In my dream, I woke up in my brother’s room, and hour and half later than I was supposed to. I freaked out and ran out, only to find my mother sitting at the table. She scolded me, telling me how she just knew I was going to wake up late and how irresponsible I was. I scrambled to get ready.
Then I finally got out of the house, sky was an apocalyptic purply-red and the air was still. Then there was gap. I was standing outside my college. It was 8 58. I rushed to the stairs, climbed all the four floors, I could see my class now. End of the hallway. I strained to get there, almost crying from the effort, thinking of the shame I would feel when my teacher threw me out, the disappointment on my clasmmates’ faces, my inevitable destitution on the streets without my college, AND THEN SUDDENLY…
My real alarm clock rang.
My first groggy thought was, “I have to go through my morning routine again?! Oh, hell.”
And yes, I made it to college on time.
I need to chill.
This is the most amazingly beautiful piece of music that has ever flowed through my ears.
Does anyone have any good music? Or good blogs? :3
p.s- This blog might just go into hibernation. I considered deleting cause I won't be able to right often. But then lets see how this works.
p.p.s- This post has obviously nothing to do with Endoplasmic Reticulum.
Kthanksbyenow :)
Off late my life is only red eyes and coffee stains.
I just voluntarily told my mom I'll make my bed myself today. And I'll wake up early to sort out my closet.
I think I'm growing up.
Does anyone else feel how everything is becoming so expensive ?
Most of the time I'm like I need to SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE.
but as whenever I step into a shop
'holy tits! its a buy 10 get 1 free sale! what a deal!'
Money management. Fail.
Besides stationary is so expensive.
STAEDTLER, Y U NO MAKE AFFORDABLE STATIONARY??
Y U MAKE ME SO BROKE??
Topic jump.
Every time before sleeping, I’m afraid that I’ll sleep through my alarm and wake up 4 hours late and be thrown out of class or college which breeds all kinds of unnecessary anxiety. Apparently, it leaks over into my subconscious as well, since I had a terrifyingly weird dream last night about being late.
In my dream, I woke up in my brother’s room, and hour and half later than I was supposed to. I freaked out and ran out, only to find my mother sitting at the table. She scolded me, telling me how she just knew I was going to wake up late and how irresponsible I was. I scrambled to get ready.
Then I finally got out of the house, sky was an apocalyptic purply-red and the air was still. Then there was gap. I was standing outside my college. It was 8 58. I rushed to the stairs, climbed all the four floors, I could see my class now. End of the hallway. I strained to get there, almost crying from the effort, thinking of the shame I would feel when my teacher threw me out, the disappointment on my clasmmates’ faces, my inevitable destitution on the streets without my college, AND THEN SUDDENLY…
My real alarm clock rang.
My first groggy thought was, “I have to go through my morning routine again?! Oh, hell.”
And yes, I made it to college on time.
I need to chill.
This is the most amazingly beautiful piece of music that has ever flowed through my ears.
Does anyone have any good music? Or good blogs? :3
p.s- This blog might just go into hibernation. I considered deleting cause I won't be able to right often. But then lets see how this works.
p.p.s- This post has obviously nothing to do with Endoplasmic Reticulum.
Kthanksbyenow :)
Saturday, June 18, 2011
If anyone needs me I will be sitting in a corner, banging my head against the wall
Okay I'm not perfect, neither is my life.
My two month vacations gets over tomorrow.
And like expected, I did none of things that I was planning to do.
I made a list. Of 10 things.
after two months, the list looks the same to me.
Nothing to cross out.
But vacations were fun.
Went places.
Met best friends.
Gave them a surprise. :)
Shopping. More shopping.
And whats is up with men in Delhi?
They talk to your boobs, so awkward. So many occasions I wanted to say "Uncleji, I have a face"
Talking about awkward.
When an old friend randomly starts trying to sext you.
Ahhhh the awkwardness is just too much. And I’m the fucking queen of awkward.
Off late, many people have been telling me that they don't understand me.
Look. You're not supposed to.
How can you?
It takes a lifetime to understand oneself.
How should one dare to try and understand someone else.
Why do even want to understand someone? I don't see any need.
Only if people let go of this struggle of understanding people, life will be much easier.
Basically. life without any kind of emotional attachment would be good.
Moving on, did anyone see X men?
What if the entire x-men first class movie didn't exist because the entire time Charles was making you think that you saw it but you really didn't and you were sitting at home the entire time and that's really all your life is because he makes you think that too and nothing is real and all your memories are fake.
How cool would this be.
Just a rant. Will try and make sense next time. okaybyeepeoplee.
And this is a beautiful playlist. Enjoyy :D
My two month vacations gets over tomorrow.
And like expected, I did none of things that I was planning to do.
I made a list. Of 10 things.
after two months, the list looks the same to me.
Nothing to cross out.
But vacations were fun.
Went places.
Met best friends.
Gave them a surprise. :)
Shopping. More shopping.
And whats is up with men in Delhi?
They talk to your boobs, so awkward. So many occasions I wanted to say "Uncleji, I have a face"
Talking about awkward.
When an old friend randomly starts trying to sext you.
Ahhhh the awkwardness is just too much. And I’m the fucking queen of awkward.
Off late, many people have been telling me that they don't understand me.
Look. You're not supposed to.
How can you?
It takes a lifetime to understand oneself.
How should one dare to try and understand someone else.
Why do even want to understand someone? I don't see any need.
Only if people let go of this struggle of understanding people, life will be much easier.
Basically. life without any kind of emotional attachment would be good.
Moving on, did anyone see X men?
What if the entire x-men first class movie didn't exist because the entire time Charles was making you think that you saw it but you really didn't and you were sitting at home the entire time and that's really all your life is because he makes you think that too and nothing is real and all your memories are fake.
How cool would this be.
Just a rant. Will try and make sense next time. okaybyeepeoplee.
And this is a beautiful playlist. Enjoyy :D
Monday, May 30, 2011
Take my final breath
Engulfed in a maelstrom;
you are the current that's dragging me down
into an empty cold place, my untimely demise,
but what a perfect death would it be
to die in your arms.
Now the pressure increases
and my ribs shatter, I feel the punctured lungs
and my breathing slows,
I send one final brave glance, a silent protest.
Looking down at my watery grave,
accepting my final burial.
And I see you smile
as you watch me suffer and die.
you are the current that's dragging me down
into an empty cold place, my untimely demise,
but what a perfect death would it be
to die in your arms.
Now the pressure increases
and my ribs shatter, I feel the punctured lungs
and my breathing slows,
I send one final brave glance, a silent protest.
Looking down at my watery grave,
accepting my final burial.
And I see you smile
as you watch me suffer and die.
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