Attempts

I've been trying to sleep since the last two hours now.

No position feels right. Can't breathe through nose, clogged, I reckon. I try gasping air like a fish out of water. Mouth parches in seconds. I switch on the fan, its too windy. I switch it off, its too stuffy.
Another wave of agony passes through. Few seconds of panic. Another sweep of nervousness, chills. Like needles pricking under my skin.
The restlessness seeps into my head now, feels like my cerebrum has swollen up. Cause its continuously ramming against my skull, trying to get out.
Migraine.

I try a new position. on-the-tummy position. No result. 
Foetus. fail.
Star fish. fail. 
And my fears, worries suddenly highlight in silence. Tearing my composure.
then I wonder if I care. And I realize, I do.

I shut my eyes, determined to sleep.
Somewhere in the back of my head, I hear,
"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a sun
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?"
My head = 90% song lyrics.

Fuck insomnia.

Love poems anyone? Read here.